Bad Company Pictures and Glamourshots

It was 5pm on September 1st, 2010. I ran out into the backyard where the kids were playing in a small pool. “I need a great picture of me in the next hour for our About page. Can you take a bunch of pics of me?”

What happened over the course of the next twenty minutes was duly embarrassing. A makeshift photo shoot took place, set with a background of poison ivy climbing various unknown bushes and weeds. I had gotten a good eight hours of sleep, except spread out over the past three days. I couldn’t open one eye fully and I got the sense that my wife was reconsidering her attraction to me after studying each picture. The sun was low and no matter where I stood there was some form of aggravated shadow or required squint.

The perfect company picture conveys a complex blend of seriousness, humor, focus, discipline, honesty, power, relevance, irony, and hotness. My business partner, Ashley, had already uploaded his once-in-a-lifetime picture somehow obtained with ease at the last minute. Jerk. This was pressure. I could not generate a look that did not portray exhaustion or genetic defect.

20 pictures in, I realized that it was truly no fault of either the picture taker or the camera. There was a stark reality that I had to accept. The company picture you see was, in fact, the best of the best. The creme de la creme. Yikes. Lessons learned:

• Do not take your company picture the day before your company launch.
• Do have unflattering pictures of your business partner ready to share (Check!)
• Go to Glamourshots