Woman Starts Cover Letter, Accidentally Completes Her Autobiography
Article by Jackie Rae
LOS ANGELES, CA — Three days ago, Jackie Rae Aubel, a perpetually unemployed 26-year-old, began writing the cover letter intended to precede her application for the role of development assistant for Amazon Studios. This morning, she woke from a zombie-like trance to learn that instead of writing a brief summation of her job history and qualifications, she had accidentally completed her autobiography.
“I don’t know what happened,” Ms. Aubel told reporters as she sipped coffee in the clothes she’d been wearing since Sunday. “I have a cover letter template that I usually use when applying to stuff like this, but it just felt like I should do something different this time around.”
The 397-page Google doc focuses mainly on Ms. Aubel’s comical foray into adulthood. Having held down more jobs in the past four years than most people will in their entire lifetime, Ms. Aubel did her best to create a narrative that explains the reasons for having worked so many jobs over such little time.
“I felt like it was important for the hiring manager to know who I was when I held the job,” Ms. Aubel said. “Like, if you understand how the fear of committing myself to a career that I may eventually hate makes it so that I want to explore every and all professional opportunities, you’ll understand why I went from account manager at a tech company to general manager on a juice truck!”
While some have applauded Ms. Aubel’s unconventional application strategy, those with a less-favorable opinion of the aspiring “anything” were quick to vocalize their opinions.
“I mean, really, what does she think she’s doing?” asked one of Ms. Aubel’s high school teachers, who wished to remain anonymous. “She’s held so many different jobs, I’m surprised anyone can make heads or tails of her skill set. Who goes from being a marketing manager to a casting assistant? Who?”
When pressed further, the anonymous source revealed that when Ms. Aubel asked her for a recommendation letter for college, she denied. “I knew that she was destined to be a mess of a human being. Ten years later, it looks like I was right.”
While friends and family close to Ms. Aubel have encouraged her not to give up and to continue looking for a career that she finds fulfilling, intellectually stimulating, and monetarily satisfying, Ms. Aubel is close to giving up.
“Maybe if I stay still and keep really, really quiet, people will forget I’m here and I can stop paying bills,” she said.
Ms. Aubel plans to submit the entire autobiography to Amazon later this afternoon without proofreading it.
A version of this article originally appeared on 42Hire.com.
Jackie Rae is a writer, comedian, marketing hussy, and occasional writer.